1. What works Against the Maintenance of the Rav- Talmid Relationship?

1) The Talmid Changes

examples: gets older, gets married, is looking for something different than what you have to offer, starts learning from a different rebbe

2) The Rebbe Changes

examples: you get older, you become less charismatic, you receive greater responsibility and are less available,  your hashkafah changes to some extent

3) outside circumstances

example: one of you moves


Comment: It is important to accept the above as facts of life and education, and to be “sameach bchelko” that you had as much impact as you did when you did.


2. What Will Help You Maintain the Relationship?

1) Your own perspective that you are there to develop the person, not to bring him to a level or to accomplish a task.

2) Your own perspective that what you are giving him or her is not merely your personal direction, but rather the Masoret, the Tradition you have internalized, imbibed, and digested from your own Rebbeim.

3) Your willingness to withdraw as personal Torah authority in favor of his next Rav,or even autonomy, this will ease the maintenance of the relationship with you, adjusted to the new circumstances.

4) Maintaining your own contact with your own Rebbeim. This will thicken your own message, and serve as a living example of Mesorah.

5) Being available. This is key. It is very different from merely saying you are available. It means returning emails and phone calls, and making appointments when called for, or requested.

6)Maintaining connection in a welcoming but not dominationg way, with genuine concern, especially at life cycle moments, such as weddings, britot, barmitzvahs, funerals, and shiva.